2005-07-12 - 2:52 a.m.
I was cleaning my room...and I saw the finger paintings me and Anna did...I felt very lethargic after seeing them. Reminded me of why I wanted to do it.
I wanted to do the finger paintings for the photo album, which didn't work out anyway because it was too big, but also because I wanted something we could look back on. I figured, we'd be together forever...so we should always have memories of the past we had together. Little reminders, momentos, things like that.
The painting was something I wanted to do. Bring out our kid side. I really liked them. I wrote "Our Memories" on one of them. Because I want it to be something that we can always have and that's what it was about. Having our memories. The photo album was also that. Since we don't have many pictures of us, I figured it'd be a nice thing.
It's funny how things turn out.
We're not together anymore...the memories seems like it's fading from her memories. She doesn't seem to want to go back to it anymore. And I'm always thinking that she's happier now than when she was with me. She's hanging out with friends more and...yea just associating better. And of course her closest friends she can't go without and always says she misses them a lot. It makes me a little depressed because she doesn't miss me. When I was gone during AnimeNext...she didn't know where I was. Not a single message...and she didn't even msg me when I was on. I keep trying not to believe that she's moved on. That she still cares for me as a bf type thing still. But no...it's nowhere near that. I even wonder if she cares for me on the level of a friend. It seems she throws so much into hanging out with her closer friends.
I wonder if I have any importance in her life than just a previous bf.
But you know what? She probably has a bf already and just keeping it from me or something.
I wish I knew exactly what I did wrong...I would want to go back and fix it.
I can't even ask for another chance because she has no interest in me. It's sad...
Well...the memories may fade from her heart, but they'll always be in mine. My bracelet will be the constant reminder of the only girl I'll ever love.
